Is Saying "No" a Bad Word?

Why do I find myself saying yes to doing things for people when I really don't want to? When I really want to say NO!  If this is a question that you have asked yourself then read on!

Many times we are raised and socialized to "be polite" and we have learned that saying no to someone is bad and the underlying message it that you are not a good person. So many of us grow up thinking that we always have to say yes to everyone in order to be good, be liked or feel good about ourselves.

We may actually feel like we are being "bad" if we say no to someone. Your self talk or "inner critic voice" might say, "you'll hurt their feelings" or "what will people think of you if you say no" or maybe you think to yourself, "he/she won't like me if I say no".

So we say yes, we over-extend ourselves and then we wonder why we are exhaused all of the time and complain that we feel burned out!

Oprah Winfrey has coined the phrase "The disease to please" and I have heard people say the word disease is Dis-Ease! Think about it! Why does saying NO make us feel uneasy? Answer the following questions for yourself the next time you are sked to do something.

• What are my motives for saying yes? (Do I want them to like me? Think that I am a good person? Do I want them to return a favor?)

• How does it make me feel to do something that I really don't want to do? (Exhausted? Like a Victim?)

• How will my decision affect me? (I won't get what I need to do done, I will get behind or forget to do something important, I might feel frustrated, angry - all of the above?)

• How will my decision affect my partner, my family? (Inconvenience them?)

Really assess why you say yes. If you are doing something for "FUN OR FOR FREE (emotionally)" then you know that your motives are good ones. If it is not for fun or for free then chances are you are in the dis-ease to please mode.

Saying "NO" is not a bad thing. It does not mean that you are a bad person, or inconsiderate, or selfish. It is a statement about yourself and your boundaries that show others that you respect yourself and your time and that sometimes the answer is no because you can't please everyone all of the time! If you are burned out and your batteries aren't charged or if you are feeling resentful and angry, you won't be able to really help anyone anyway!